What is bratting? The naughty bedroom identity explained
In 2024, brat summer took over pop culture, especially when we turned our favorite presidential candidate into some of our favorite pop divas. However, theres a lot more to being a brat than listening to the most recent Charli XCX album, and there are a lot of misconceptions about what it means to be a brat in the bedroom.Brats arent just mischievous troublemakerstheyre an essential part of the BDSM and kink community. While some submissives thrive on obedience, brats challenge their dominant partners in playful and provocative ways, adding an extra layer of tension, teasing, and mutual enjoyment. But what exactly does it mean to be a brat in the bedroom? And how can partners navigate brat dynamics in a healthy and consensual way?To break it down, we spoke with BDSM and relationship experts, who explained what sets bratting apart from other submissive roles, why its so appealing, and how both brats and their dominant partnersoften called brat tamerscan create a safe and fulfilling dynamic.What is a brat in BDSM?A brat is a type of submissive who enjoys pushing boundaries in a playful, teasing, or defiant way. Rather than simply obeying commands, brats might talk back, playfully resist, or disobey on purpose to elicit a reaction from their dominant.In kink, a brat is typically a type of submissive who gets pleasure from testing boundaries in playful, often teasing ways, Kira Hayes, a licensed independent marriage and family therapist and clinical director at Affirming Pathways Psychotherapy, tells PRIDE. Bratting can be a way of inviting the dominant into a deeper exchange of control, but done with humor, flirtation, and mischief.Bratting can take many forms, from lighthearted teasing to physical resistance during a scene. But at its core, its about creating a push-and-pull dynamic that makes the power exchange feel more exciting and engaging.How is a brat different from other submissives?While many submissives find satisfaction in following orders and pleasing their dominant, brats get their enjoyment from making their partner work for that submission.Many, though not all, submissives get enjoyment, pleasure, and satisfaction from following the orders and requests of dominants and those bringing top energy to spaces, says Shanna K. Kattari, PhD, MEd, CSE, associate professor at the University of Michigan. Conversely, for brats, they get that same feeling of pleasure from being made to do whatever it is, rather than from the obeying component.A brats playful defiance adds an extra layer of tension and interaction to the dynamic, which can be thrilling for both partners. They often prefer more back and forth between themselves and their dominant partner(s), where they might mouth off or sass back or even have to be wrestled into submission, Kattari explains. Their enjoyment often comes from the thrill of the chase, and then eventually being caught and/or forced (within pre-negotiated boundaries) into what their top wants to do to them.Why do people enjoy bratting?For brats, the appeal often lies in the attention, challenge, and playfulness of the dynamic.For the brat, its often about attention, connection, and a playful test of the dominants control, says Hayes. There can be a thrill in seeing how far they can push and how the dominant will respond. It can also be about trust, knowing they can act out and still be wanted, loved, and contained.On the other side of the equation, brat tamersdominants who enjoy engaging with bratsfind satisfaction in the challenge. For the dominant, taming a brat can be incredibly satisfying, Hayes explains. It calls on their confidence, creativity, and ability to stay grounded in control. Theres often a sense of pride and fulfillment in knowing theyve won the brats submission in a way thats dynamic and earned, not just given freely.What are common brat behaviors?Brats use a variety of tactics to provoke and challenge their dominant partners, all in the name of playful power exchange. Some common brat behaviors include:Topping from the bottom: Brats might make cheeky suggestions to their dominant, such as, You could tie me up and spank me with my favorite paddle, but only if youre feeling brave enough.Egging on their dominant: A brat might push limits by saying things like, Really? I thought you could hit harder than that, or Is that all youve got?Malicious compliance: Brats love finding loopholes in instructions. As Kattari explains, this could look like, You told me to get ON the bedyou didnt say which direction I should lie down! or You said to choose three toys to use on me. I have chosen three stuffed animals. What? You didnt say they had to be MEAN toys!Teasing and distracting: Whether its dressing seductively while their partner is on a work call or pushing limits outside of scenes, brats enjoy keeping their dynamic playful and unpredictable.What makes someone a good brat tamer?Not all dominants enjoy bratting. For those who do, patience and adaptability are key.Patience and a sense of humor are non-negotiable! says Hayes. A good brat tamer doesnt take the brats behavior personally; they understand its an invitation to engage. They stay steady, confident, and responsive, never reactive.Kattari adds that brat tamers must also be strategic. They might enjoy the takedown of having to hold someone and tie them up while they struggle, or the cerebral bit of having to think through orders before they make them to close any loopholes.How can partners ensure brat play stays consensual?Since bratting involves testing boundaries, clear communication and consent are essential.Partners should talk about what types of behavior are on the table, what feels fun versus what crosses a line, and how to check in during scenes, Hayes advises. Having safe words (or signals) is essential, and brats and tamers should have agreements on how to handle things if one person needs to pause or stop.Aftercare is also crucial, as brat play can push emotional edges. Bratting can feel vulnerable on both sides, so go slow, stay curious about each other, and keep the focus on mutual enjoyment, Hayes says.When does bratting become unhealthy?Theres a difference between playful defiance and outright disrespect. Healthy bratting is consensual, lighthearted, and rooted in mutual enjoyment. When it crosses into manipulation, lack of respect, or boundary-pushing outside of agreed-upon scenes, it becomes a problem.Harmful behavior usually shows up when boundaries arent respected, when the brats behavior feels more like emotional manipulation or disrespect outside of scene dynamics, or when communication breaks down, says Hayes.Kattari adds that not everyone enjoys bratting, and its important to ensure all parties are comfortable. For some folks, brat taming can feel extra tiring, or it can feel hurtful to have someone push back during play, they note. If you try it and it doesnt work for one or more of the folks involved, thats okaynot everything works for everyone.Go forth and bratBratting is about more than just being rebelliousits a dynamic, engaging, and often deeply fulfilling form of power exchange. When done with mutual respect, clear communication, and consent, it can add excitement and depth to BDSM dynamics.If youre both/all on board, then talking about where/when bratting might happen, what you both/all are excited about, and setting clear expectations can really help set you up for success, Kattari says.Whether youre an experienced brat, a curious newbie, or a dominant wondering if brat taming is for you, the key is to approach it with openness, communication, and a willingness to play. After all, in the world of brats, a little bit of defiance can go a long way.
