Everyone should eat ass in Paris. On a recent trip, a friend and I walked the city all day, then went home to shower and get ready for dinner. I found him lying on the bed, reading a French edition of The Year of Magical Thinking by Joan Didion. Instead of spooning him, I told him I wanted to give him a rimjob. He nodded.Later, we talked about it because its always a good idea to talk about sex: what felt good, what didnt, and what surprised us. That kind of conversation is part of aftercare, and its too often skipped.We laughed about how rimming has become an internet joke. I mentioned that viral line from Jessica Lange in The Politician: Thats what gays do munch butts and celebrate Halloween! It became a meme. But in the moment, butt munching didnt feel like something silly. It was perfect. As gay men, we grow up with poop jokes and a lot of shame about our bodies. To enjoy something like rimming means confronting that shame it takes trust, curiosity, and a willingness to let go. Thats what makes a good rim job both transgressive and tender: It challenges cultural rules about what bodies are for and where pleasure belongs. On the other side of shame is joy.A good rim job is an art. It can feel ecstatic or awkward. Like all sex acts, its part technique and part passion. Here are some tips, with support from experts and medically reviewed sources, on how to do it well.The person getting a rim job should hop in the shower firstA quick shower will probably make you and your sex partner more comfortable and washing off the outside of your butt is hygienic. There are digestive bacteria found in the anus, as well as bugs like E. coli and Salmonella, which can make you sick and if you are rimming vagina owners, take extra care to avoid spreading anything from the butt into the vaginal canal, as this can cause infection.If you choose to douche before being rimmed and some do dont overdo it, and take your time. Hold the water in for a few seconds, then release. Writing for VICE, Gina Tonic says that, in lieu of formal douching lessons, you can always watch Sex Education, series 2, episode 6. Tonic summarizes what the TV character Rahim explains about douching: Squat, squirt, hold, and release.Douching can be done with one-time disposable enemas available in many U.S. pharmacies, but many gay men invest in a sturdier douching bulb, typically made of silicone, or even a shower hose attachment use it on a low setting with lukewarm water, please.But truthfully, unless youre planning to have penetrative sex afterward and want to be clean for that, douching for rimming is unnecessary a quick rinse on the outside of your butt and hole, with soap and water, is fine.There are many articles online about douching and anal sex. I wrote this one for Out, which was sponsored by the gay mens sexual health and proctology clinic Bespoke Surgical its founder and CEO, Dr. Evan Goldstein, also started the brand Future Method, which sells medically-sanctioned douching kits and bottoming supplies that he argues are safer than products found in most sex novelty shops. (He also wrote a book on butt health, primarily for men who have sex with men.) I also wrote this bottoming and douching guide for The Advocate, along with this two-part guide for Them. But dont just ask me: This Healthline article, reviewed by a medical professional, is a good primer on safe douching and anal care. In slightly less sterile and more queer-friendly language, heres a similar safety guide from the San Francisco AIDS Foundation. If you choose to douche for rimming or more dont douche too much.In my experience, a lot of guys just dont care that douching is unnecessary for an ass-eating session they need the ritual to feel clean and comfortable. Thats OK.Rectal douching shouldnt be done too often, as its linked to higher rates of HIV and STI transmission, either from injury caused by unsafe douching and enema use, or because douching can cause dryness in the rectum, leading to small tears (sometimes called fissures). Experts arent fully certain why; they observe correlation, not causality. Its clear, however, that water in the gut can upset the gut biome and cause gastrointestinal problems.This is why I recommend all bottoms and anyone who douches regularly take a daily probiotic supplement. (I recommend Dr. Ohhiras Original Formula Probiotics.)In summary: If youre just rimming, just take a shower. If youre using rimming as foreplay for further anal sex, dont rush it, and listen to your body. Discomfort, cramping, and pain are all signs to stop douching immediately. You might have to lie down on your side in the shower to release trapped water, or massage your belly to let it all out.Pro tip: If you choose to douche, dont start rimming directly afterward. Its best to wait a bit so any trapped water has time to leave your system no one wants an unexpected splash mid-session.What you eat mattersGood gut health equals good butt health. Experts agree that diet plays a massive role in how easy (and clean) sex can be. Lean meats, fruits, vegetables, and fiber all help your body do its job naturally. The food you eat determines how gassy you are, how comfortable your stomach feels, and how regular your bowel movements are. Fiber supplements like Metamucil are highly recommended.Overdouching often replaces what a balanced diet does more gently letting your body handle the cleanup first.Worse, overdouching irritates your GI system, often creating a vicious feedback loop: Irritated bowels require longer cleaning sessions to feel done, which further irritates your bowels. If you find that youre consistently struggling to get clean before anal play, its likely something in your diet (or possibly an STI). Talk to a doctor they might recommend keeping a food diary and trying a short-term elimination diet to identify the issue. And take a break from douching for a bit.Want recipes and advice on low-inflammatory, bottom-friendly foods? The Bottoms Digest by food expert Alex Hall and his husband, Mike, is a treasure trove of bottom-friendly recipes, resources, and bottoming education, primarily geared toward queer people and men who have sex with men.Hygiene is a personal choiceSome people like things fresh-out-of-the-shower clean. Others crave the natural scent and taste of a sweaty, musky butt. Theres no right way, but if rimming is on the table, talk about your preferences with your partner first.Ive served ass to guys who beg me not to douche or even shower beforehand. No problem for me, but when I rim someone else, I like him to have at least a quick rinse first. Its just personal preference. Communicating this ahead of time saves you both from awkward moments later. If you like the same thing, great. If you dont, no sweat there are plenty of other ways to have fun.Sex is best when everyone feels comfortable which means respecting preferences without judgment.Use your tongueExplore patterns, shapes, and rhythms with your tongue, and alternate between the butthole and the hypersensitive area around it. Use your breath cool exhales, warm sighs to tease and heighten sensation.Unsurprisingly, there are many articles warning readers about the risks of rimming but almost none about how to do it well. Thankfully, theres this very horny piece in LA Weekly by Sam Phillips. Phillips advises: Use your tongue. Lay it flat to lick, flick, rub, and push against the general backside region, or you can make it stiff and hard to penetrate, probe, tap, and trace the anal rim.I like to flatten my tongue and just wipe up, like Im cleaning him off like a lioness cleaning her cub.But, its not all about the tongueIts not just about licking. Variety is key. Phillips writes: Use your lips. Kiss and suck the asshole, taint, inner thighs, crack of the ass, buttocks, lower back, and the back of the legs.I second that: just like with a mouth, I like to start with gentle lip kisses and slowly work my tongue in before diving.You can involve other parts of your body, too.Just as I did in Paris: Use your hands and fingers. Probe the rectum and pull apart the butt cheeks. You also can reach around from behind and fondle the front genitals, writes Phillips.A light beard or stubble can add texture, though some partners might find it too rough. If youre unsure whether your partner likes what youre doing, ask. Its hot to be asked what feels good it shows care and attention.If your partner enjoys it, gentle suction or light pressure from teeth can add contrast, but never bite or chew. The skin around the anus is thin and delicate. Think soft, teasing movements, not aggression.Dont focus only on the butthole. The surrounding skin, taint, and cheeks are full of nerve endings that deserve attention. Rimming works best when you explore the whole area, not just one spot.Get in positionIf the missionary position is the staple of p-in-v sex, doggy style is the holy grail for rimmers. Its comfortable, you get a good view of what youre up to, and plenty of space to touch elsewhere, writes Tonic. My favorite position for rimming isnt quite doggy style: I like him to lie down fully flat, on his belly. I gently slide my arms under his groin until his hips rest on my forearms and my face is fully immersed in ass. From that position, I can reach my hands around to pull apart his cheeks if I want to get deeper and he can just lie back and enjoy it.Be risk-awareRimming carries some risk of transmitting infections like hepatitis A, gonorrhea, or herpes. Freddie, a Canadian organization committed to competent sexual health for queer people, offers helpful primers on a range of topics including a list of STIs that can be transmitted through rimming.One important thing to note: HIV is not transmitted through rimming, whether youre giving or receiving.Dental dams exist for protection, though many people skip them. The best safety measure is regular STI testing and honest communication. Men who have sex with men who have multiple sex partners should get STI screenings more often the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention recommends every three to six months. Pleasure and responsibility can and must coexist.A little grooming goes a long wayTrimming or shaving around the area can make things smoother literally. It also prevents getting a butt hair caught in someones teeth. Trimming or shaving isnt required, but I prefer rimming a buzzed butt.Go slow, use gentle shaving cream or gel, and if possible, ask your partner to help. Just be careful: Nicks in that area are not fun. Pro tip: The Philips OneBlade trimmer has a guard for body grooming designed to prevent nicks.Another pro tip: Many guys use hair removal creams, also called depilatories. (Nair is a common brand.) These work, but they tend to burn and irritate the delicate tissue around the anus. I used to use them and dont anymore for this reason: They can actually make the rim job (or whatever comes next) painful afterward.Just let goRimming needs auditory feedback after all, the rimmer cant see the person theyre rimming very well.Dirty talk is great with rimming and, believe it or not, heres a medically reviewed guide about bringing more dirty talk into the bedroom without crossing boundaries or breaking consent.A moan, a breath, a groan, a gasp, or just a small movement tells your partner everything they need to know. Dont hold back. Get loud and enjoy it.Just a heads up!My name is Alexander Cheves. I write about sex, feelings, music, and men. You can read my column Last Call in Out Magazine, along with my digital advice column, Go Ask Alex. If you have a question, send it to askbeastly@gmail.com.My book My Love Is a Beast: Confessions is an erotic memoir told through a series of literary essays, weaving explicit personal experience with meditations on identity, intimacy, and the body. It was a bestseller and won the 2022 Geoff Mains Nonfiction Prize from NLA International. Kirkus Reviews called it not for squeamish readers. Get it everywhere books are sold.With queer sex education increasingly censored online, this piece aims to provide sex-positive, shame-free, queer-inclusive advicedrawn from my own experience and from expert input. The views expressed here are my own. The information is for general education and entertainment, and is not intended as a substitute for professional or medical guidance.