Hi Alexander,I met up with a gay escort for the first time. He was handsome, super-nice, friendly, attentiveall that I could ask for. I had never bottomed before, but he took control and helped me relax enough that I got fucked for the first time in my life, and it was amazing.And now I cant stop thinking about him. When I was younger, I fell quickly for guys, probably because I didnt think I was likable. I wish I could view him from a sexual standpoint only, but man, he is so nice that I fantasize about being in a relationship with him. What do I do?James Hi James,I can't speak to your provider's personal feelings, but as a former sex worker myself who was in this situation many times with clients, Ill say this: I sympathize with your plight, but this is his job. And thats all it is. He did a good job. He gave you a safe, sweet first-time bottoming experience helped you relax into what is unavoidably an awkward and uncomfortable experience, then made you feel amazing. Thats big! I still feel grateful to the first guy who properly fucked me. He was someone I would never date, then or now, but I hold gratitude in my heart for the memory of him. You will probably always carry a little flame of thanks for the man you hired to fuck you for the first time. You feel deeply connected to him right now because first-time bottoming is an intense experience, and humans tend to latch on to those they share intense experiences with. But you paid him to do this it was a service rendered, and he did a good job.That doesnt make it any less beautiful or meaningful. I had lovely, powerful experiences with many of my clients. The only way you can (easily) ruin future experiences with him is to imagine hes a candidate for anything other than sex work. You have a crush that probably wont be reciprocated, and if you say anything about it, it will put him in an awkward position one that sex workers find themselves in often and he might not be willing to meet again. People pay for many services. We pay dentists for dental care, therapists for therapy, and mechanics to fix our cars. Some people pay sex workers for sex, or for the impression of intimacy, or for personalized sex coaching, or for companionship, or for porn, and so on. Good in-person escorts supply tailor-made, bespoke experiences often risking both personal safety and the law in exchange for handsome hourly fees. Thats the job. Escorts are working professionals, just like dentists, therapists, and mechanics, but their trade is sex.If you tell him about your crush, you will likely be disappointed. He's probably had several clients fall for him this way, and I imagine he has go-to lines to let folks down easily (I did). Letting someone down gently is part of the job, one that none of us enjoy because it's uncomfortable and, worse, it risks losing that person's business. Some escorts feign interest and will give you just enough hope to keep you buying and, admittedly, some clients are looking for this. The "boyfriend experience" is, after all, just the consensual role-play of romantic interest, for a fee. If you want that if youd like to take him on dates and outings while paying his hourly rate that's a business proposition worth talking to him about. But I wouldn't tell him about your actual crush, as its likely to make things uncomfortable. I had a hard rule in my business: No matter how much chemistry I had with a client, I would never, ever date them in real life because they were a client. (For those in the business: I strongly discourage trying romantic relationships with those who come into your life as clients.) If I had his ear, I would strongly dissuade him from having a relationship with you. These relationships happen all the time and too easily lead to financial exploitation and harm. There are fundamental differences in power in these relationships that just cant be overcome. They get toxic too easily. Your best course of action would be to continue enjoying his work and let that be enough. If you can't do that if your feelings are too strong and you fear rejection you should stop hiring him and hire someone else.Hey there! Im Alexander Cheves. Im a sex writer and former sex workerI worked in the business for over 12 years. You can read my sex-and-culture column Last Call in Out and my book My Love Is a Beast: Confessions, from Unbound Edition Press. But be warned: Kirkus Reviews says the book is "not for squeamish readers.In the past, I directed (ahem) adult videos and sold adult products. I have spoken about subjects like cruising, sexual health, and HIV at the International AIDS Conference, SXSW, the Icahn School of Medicine at Mount Sinai, and elsewhere, and appeared on dozens of podcasts.Here, Im offering sex and relationship advice to Outs readers. Send your question to askbeastly@gmail.com it may get answered in a future post.