Just dont do these things.Relationships are tough. You dont have to be a rocket scientist to figure that out. We all wish there was a set of hard and fast rules to make them work, but there aren't. That said, there are still some things that men in romantic relationships with other men should do their best to avoid. Yes, some of these things are helpful tips for people of all genders in any relationship, but youll notice that a number of the things listed are specific to gay/bisexual men. Either way, if you're curious, here are 35 tips on things you should maybe not do if you want to your relationship to last.1. Become too codependentFirst and foremost, it's always important to maintain and remember your own identity and individuality anytime you enter a relationship. We'll talk a lot more about specifics coming up, but just do your best to remember the world does not, in fact, revolve around him and that's also totally okay.2. Let love and sex become an addictionWe all get a bit of euphoria when we first fall in love, but just like anything else, there is actually too much of a good thing, so do your best not to let either love or sex become something the two of you become addicted to or rely on. It's an important part of the relationship, for sure, but not the only thing.3. Forget to set up boundariesBoundaries are incredibly important, and sometimes they're easy to forget about when you're going into a relationship or already in one. You want to impress him, but that doesn't mean you have to sacrifice everything just to do so.4. Compare yourself to himWhen youre in a different-sex relationship, its much harder to compare yourself to your partner directly. But if youre a man dating another man, its difficult NOT to compare yourself to your spouse. Nevertheless, try your best not to. Nothing good can come from this. You are two different people with different strengths and weaknesses. He may have a better body, but youre a kinder person. He may make more money, but you may help more people. You want someone to balance you, because of this, there will be things he is better at than you are and that's 100 percent ok.5. Compare him to your exesComparing your new man to your old man is a big no-no. Hes not supposed to be like the guys who came before him. Theyre exes for a reason. You dont want to be dating someone whos exactly like your ex. That relationship didnt work out!6. Tolerate homophobic remarks from familyYou or he may come from a homophobic family who calls your sexual identity a lifestyle. They also may harass you with other homophobic remarks. A healthy same-sex couple does not tolerate homophobia from family. If your family harasses your partner with intolerant remarks, stand up for him.7. Don't get jealous of random guysIts tough not to get jealous when guys check him out and not you or guys always flirt with him and not you. It makes you feel like the uglier one in the relationship. And if you are, so what? It means youre dating up. It means he likes you for more than your looks. It means youre a real, awesome person!8. Lie about your wants, needs or desiresDont say youre ok being in an open relationship if youre not. Dont claim youre not looking for something serious if you are. Similarly, dont lie in the other direction, because youre afraid of hurting his feelings. Dont say youre ok with a serious relationship if youre not. Be honest about what you want from him and the relationship.9. You can say "no"Its surprisingly difficult to say, no, especially to the people we really care about (unless, youre a bitchy queen, then it's probably not that hard). But it's crucial in a relationship to be able to say, no whenever you feel uncomfortable.10. Not reciprocating sexuallyYou need to be generous lovers, doing things for both you and him. A relationship with a selfish lover never works out (unless its a particular BDSM/kink dynamic).11. Belittle himA little joke here or there is fine, but constant jokes are no longer funny. Embarrassing your partner repeatedly or belittling him in front of his friends is not acceptable.12. Force him into the closetYes, there are some circumstances when a boyfriend asks you to closet yourself in front of an old, dying homophobic grandma or something like that, but Id say 95 percent of the time, he shouldnt ask you to closet yourself. It took him years to come out. The struggle was real. Youre asking too much of your partner to re-closet himself, even if its for a short period.13. Ask him to give up his friendsThis is a form of manipulation and abuse. Some men use their insecurities, neediness, and tears to manipulate you into doing things. One of those big things is giving up your friends to spend time with him. If this happens, leave the relationship. He is manipulating you.14. Get jealous when he checks out other guysOr let me rephrase this. You can get jealous, but dont get angry or do anything rash. Please, feel free to call him out on it, especially if he makes a bad habit of checking out guys way too conspicuously. But remember, hes human. Theres no harm in looking as long as he doesnt touch.15. Spend too much time on your phoneIt is so rude and annoying. Yes, if youre both lying in bed, on your phones, and making small talk, thats fine. But during dinner, or when hes trying to have a real conversation, get off your damn phone!16. Make him read your mindI had an ex tell me, I just want you to know that I want that. How? Queer men are many things, but a mind reader is not one of them. Dont expect anything. If you need something, and its important to you, make the clear. Be direct. Be upfront. Be honest.17. Let arguments fester until you explodeI cant even begin to tell you how guilty I am of this. Do your best not to stew in negative emotions. If something is upsetting you, you need to say something to avoid festering in it. Otherwise, what ends up happening is you get furious at something relatively trivial because youve been harboring such negative emotions towards your partner.18. Take a nasty tone with himDisagreements happen. We screw up. But no matter what, no matter how angry you get, you need to treat him with respect. This means you can never take up a nasty tone with him, no matter how annoyed you are.19. Make him feel unsafeThis should be obvious, right? Sadly, thats far from the case. Oftentimes, because we have trouble saying no (see reason #6) our partner gently pressures us into doing something that we dont feel comfortable doing. Dont be that partner. You should know if your partner has trouble saying no to things. Dont take advantage of that. You should be doing the opposite -- really making sure he feels comfortable and safe because you know hes not likely to say no to you.20. Bring up any and everything during a fightA fight or argument should focus on a particular issue. You either did this one thing, or you have a tendency to repeatedly do these group of stuff that I don't appreciate. The conversation should be about that one issue. Dont bring up every single little thing that he has ever done wrong that has nothing to do with the issue at hand. If those things bother you too, save them for another time and conversation where you can focus on those specific topics.21. Forbid him to talk to all exesI was kind of torn about putting this on here, but I think its important to add. I dont talk to serious exes. Im friends with many guys I dated/slept with casually, but men Ive previously loved and had a very intense relationship with, I dont talk to. In my opinion, nothing good can come from it. For me, its tough to move on when Im still friends with a close ex. And frankly, I dont need any more friends. Nevertheless, many gay men are still friends with guys they seriously dated. Good for them! You need to trust your partner when he says theyre just friends. You cant forbid him from talking to exes. You dont own him like that. You can express your reservations about it (e.g., You know his ex was manipulative, so youre wary of their friendship), but you cant force him to do anything.22. Blame him for everythingEverything is not his fault. Sometimes its your fault and sometimes, its no one's fault. Shit just happens. Dont blame him for everything that goes wrong.23. Secretly using hookup appsSo this pertains more to when youre just starting a serious relationship, right as youre getting to know him. Dont be on hookup or dating apps when youre with him. If I'm honest, I have done this in the past. Id check my Grindr/Tinder when he went to the bathroom to see if another guy has messaged me. Be in the moment. Theres plenty of time to check out Grindr later when youre pooping on the toilet.24. Lie to him about your sexual activityThere are real health risks to sex, as all gay men know. Dont lie to him about your sexual conduct. Dont say youre not sleeping with someone else if you are. Dont say youre having protected sex if youre a cum dump for anonymous loads.25. Use your insecurities to keep him aroundThis is a classic sign of manipulation. Using your insecurities to make him do things for you. Its insidious and manipulative. Dont be a terrible partner.26. Skip date nightsDate nights matter, because they are when you are taking time just for the two of you. By skipping them you are sending the message that your partner isn't a priority.27. Let the romance dieThis is another reason you dont skip date nights. You dont want the romance to die. Make sure to do sweet things for him like sending him flowers, commenting on how handsome he looks and expressing your love for him.28. Demand sex/settle for mediocre sexDont demand sex. Similarly, dont settle for mediocre sex. If one of you is not in the mood, dont do it. Wait until youre both in the mood. Its not fun having sex just for your partners happiness. It leads to mediocre sex for everyone.29. Avoid vulnerabilityBe open. Be honest. The vulnerability is terrifying for everyone. Of course, it is. You always run the possibility that you open yourself up to him and he rejects you, but its a risk you have to take. You cant have a real relationship without vulnerability.30. Conflate your wants and needsSome things we want. Other things we need. Dont confuse the two. Dont demand things you want, and dont settle for not getting the things you need.31. Forget why youre dating himThings will undoubtedly get tough at some point in the relationship. Thats just how relationships work. Never forget why youre dating him. Never forget his positive attributes and the reasons you fell in love with him.32. Hold in how you feelYoure growing together, and its scary to share your deepest insecurities and vulnerabilities. Its okay to let the growth happen. Share your biggest fears and desires, and set the world on fire.33. Tell the world your businessThe whole world doesnt need to know all of your drama. Sure, its great to have some close friends and confidants to share with when the going gets tough, but if someones meeting your man for the first time, they shouldnt know all the above-mentioned dirty secrets.34. Forget about the sparkIts never good to force yourself to be with someone. If the spark has faded, and neither of you are really putting in the work, it may be best to have that conversation. Otherwise, you may end up doing something like...35. CheatYes, this also circles back to using apps behind his back and lying to him about your sexuality, but its even deeper than that. Dont betray your partners trust. All youre doing is causing everybody pain, so if youre not in an open relationship (or even if you are), dont do anything with anyone you wouldnt want your partner to know about. Otherwise, cue Carrie Underwood.