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25 rules of texting etiquette for gay men
Because apparently we still dont have this down...Texting has been a mainstream thing for well over a decade, but it seems like some rules just go over peoples heads. Rules, you ask? Yes, there are rules to texting, and potential boyfriends just dont seem to get how to text.So, lets talk about 25 rules that are now officially written into law for all the texting etiquette gay and bisexual men should know.1. Limit group text message responsesI get it when youre trying to organize an event and you just want to invite everybody right away without sending out a bunch of individual text messages. Often, the person sending those messages says not to respond to the group message, but rather individually. Dont be the person or people that turn the group chat into a party.2. Be appropriateSex talk is fun and theres always a time and a place for nudes, but texting isnt the place for you to say things you wouldnt say to a person face-to-face. Be respectful and appropriate when youre texting, unless sexting is the actual point.3. Let people know when you switch your numberWe all know what its like to send a message that gets a who is this? response. We also know what its like when the person we think were texting is no longer attached to that number. Let people know when youre making a switch.4. Use exclamation marks!They are your best friends! Use them!! Literally doesnt even matter what youre saying, you still use them!!! Theres physical research to support this. In 2015, The Washington Post published an article titled, "Study confirms that ending texts with a period is terrible."Quoting from that article, "Researchers, led by Binghamton University's Celia Klin, report that text messages ending with a period are perceived as being less sincere, probably because the people sending them are heartless." So STOP IT! Be sincere and have a heart. Use exclamation points!5. Respond (if youre not busy)I get it. Youre out with your friends and you dont want to be rude, so you dont reply. Okay. Thats fine. Thats great. But Im not talking about that. Im talking to you if youre lying in bed, watching TV, see a text, then go, "Ohhh, Ill just reply to this later." How dare you?6. Don't start the text and then just stopNow this is just cruel. Especially if its to a guy you like. When you start to reply, so the guy on the other end sees those anticipatory three dots, then all of a sudden, it disappears and you dont reply. Heartless. Truly a monster.7. Avoid using 'okay,' 'fine,' or any other one-word response that can easily be perceived as passive aggressiveFirst off, dont be passive aggressive. But then second, dont send texts that could easily be perceived as passive-aggressive. These one word responses are just cruel. They dont express what youre thinking at all, and its so unclear if youre actually upset or not.8. Show an appropriate level of excitementWhen I say something that gets you excited, I wanna see CAPS LOCK in your response. I wanna see a dozen exclamation points. I want 6 texts sent right in a row telling me how much youre freaking out and love it. THAT is what good friends do.9. Don't attempt to have serious conversations via text"We need to talk. Ive been thinking a lot about this and"Really??? Yes, we need to TALK. Exactly, what you said. We should have this talk in person. Not via text where our tones can easily be misconstrued and taken the wrong way.10. No long essays about your feelingsI get it. Its a lot easier to write down our feelings than to speak them. Its okay to have one of those 10-page texts like once a year, but you cant hide behind texting every time youre feeling a strong emotion.11. Stop it with the 'hey' textsIve written about this before, and people vehemently disagree with me, but Im holding fast to my beliefs. 'Hey' texts drive me completely insane. At least ask something like, "Hi, how are you?" or "What have you been up to?" Get to the point. Youll notice that real friends dont simply text each other "Hey." Its only people who don't really know one another. So get to know someone. Ask them a question if you want to talk to them!12. Dont just stop in the middle of a conversationSometimes you cant help but stop texting right as youre in the middle of a conversation. Something comes up at work, or you run into a friend on the street. I get it. But what I at least try to do if I can, is sayHold on, Ill BRB.That way he knows not to wait for a response from you.13. End the conversation clearlyThis isnt necessarily a must-do when it comes to texting, but its greatly appreciated. Its nice to know when a texting exchange has come to a full stop. I like being able to know that I no longer need to check my phone because weve ended the conversation. So aTalk to you soon!orHeading out now!is always a courteous text to send.14. No unsolicited nudesSo this is more for messaging on sex apps (although Ive gotten unsolicited nudes via Facebook message, which seems highly inappropriate to me) Umjust dont send them? Solicited nudes are great. Asking to send nudes are great. Unsolicited nudes of your asshole are jarring and off-putting. (Even if you have, like, the PERFECT peniswait until youre messaging back and forth before sending him that super intimate pic.)15. Be patientYes, its annoying when someone doesnt text back right away, but at the same time, dont follow up like 8 minutes later with a???Its really annoying, and frankly, a little desperate. If youre trying to set up a time to meet with someone and are waiting for their response, thats different. (I would say just go ahead and call them at that point.) But if youre just playfully chatting back and forth, dont be upset or immediately follow up when someone doesnt text you back right away.16. If youre texting someone you havent texted in a whileLets say youre texting someone you havent texted in a while. Lets also say that you both had sex once or twice a few months ago and then never spoke afterwards. Suddenly, youre thinking about how good that D was and you want some more of it. For the love of God, dont just send ahey,because odds are, he didnt save your number. He may have forgotten about you completely. You want to avoid the awkwardNew phone. Who dis?So I say,Hey, its Zach. Been a while. What you been up to?(FYI, this also really increases the likelihood you will get the D again, so it really behooves you to reintroduce yourself and reference the last time you saw one another.)17. Make sure you're texting the right personLike making sure the person youre texting knows who you are, it may also be a good idea to make sure youre sending the right text to the right person. Theres nothing more embarrassing than trying to reconnect with a hookup and accidentally texting the wrong one. Its embarrassing for everyone, and could also be hurtful if handled insensitively.18. Text him the moment you know youre running lateLets say you have a date with a guy. One of the most annoying texts to receive is aHey, running late.But its significantly more annoying to receive that text 4 minutes after the proposed meetup time. The moment you know youre running late, (which should be at least 20 minutes before the date, if not more), let your date know. Also let him knowhowlate. Theres a big difference between twiddling your thumbs at the bar alone for 5 minutes and 30 minutes.19. Dont text when youre hanging out with someoneThis is a little different than the other tidbits of texting advice Ive given because it doesnt have to do with the actual texts themselves, but its still important. If youre hanging out with friends (or on a date with someone) and youre texting other people the whole time, just know that youre being really, really rude. I hate how common its become to have your phone out at the table when youre out with someone. Can we go back to having this be considered impolite?20. Text firstI hate this idea that youre not allowed to text first. What does it even reveal, exactly??? That you like the person?? That you had fun on the date?? That you want to hang out with them again?? These are allgoodthings you want the man that you like, had fun with, and want to hang out with again to know. Playing hard to get works for sex, but then once youre got (i.e., have sex) then the game is over and hes done liking you. So text him when you want to text.21. You can call them tooJust a reminder that you text from your phone. And your phone, originally was for calling. Sometimes things are easier to do by call. (Like set up a time and place to be somewhere.) Some convos shouldnt be happening over text at all. (Like those long serious convos which I previously discussed.) Dont forget that your phone is also a goddamn phone.22. Have realistic expectationsRemember that not everyone is a texter so to speak. Even many millennials dont like texting all the damn time. So dont necessarily expect that hell want to text you every day after one date. Thats a lot for many people. You need to gauge his responses. If his responses are curt, and hes never the one to text you first, then hes probably not that into you. (Or he may want to slow things down.) You may have come off to strong. But if hes texting you back within seconds all day, then obviously you can keep texting him as much as you are. The key here is having realistic expectations (and changing how you text depending on the quality and quantity of his responses).23. Avoid emoji/reaction responsesI know the iPhone has made it easy to hold down a message and simply press like or have some other reaction to it. Likewise, it can be tempting to simply send an emoji as a response. However, if it isnt clear that the conversation is over, and your reaction doesnt leave room for a response, it can be a little frustrating. Say something!24. Spell out your wordsHey, what r u up 2? Wanna hang l8r?Were not in high school anymore. Im sorry. Maybe its the writer in me, but its probably a good idea to at least present yourself as somewhat literate. Even if youre not a good speller, and even if you can be forgiven for mixing up the your/youre fiasco, at least make an attempt to write out your words in full when youre trying to communicate.25. Utilize audio messages when you canSometimes, its nice to hear someone elses voice. There may be times when texts lead to confusion, or youre trying to set up plans, or something of the sort. Feel free to send a voice message when its appropriate, either to just say hello and let him know youre thinking about him, or sharing a story thats simply too long to text.
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